Take advantage of opportunities
o ask for information they have and
to give information they could use.
Example #1: Bad Or Ugly Gossiper Supervisor
While working for a corporation, I made an insulting supervisor unhappy by writing a letter to HR about her insults. Since another employee wrote a similar letter, HR talked to the supervisor. She stopped using insults, but was angry at us letter writers. She slammed her relationship door to us.
I decided to invite my supervisor to open her relationship door. When I needed information, I asked her instead of other people who also had the information. I gave her information about problems when they were beginning. Over months, my invitations slowly erased her anger and our working relationship improved.
If you don’t trust your supervisor, take notes in front of them when you seek information. Knowing you are recording their words will make them less likely to point you in the wrong direction.
© Paula M. Kramer, 2021 to the present
All rights reserved.
I tell this story in more detail on my People Success page, People Success Example #5
It is also Unimagined Success Story #15 on this website.
Example #2: Bad or Ugly Gossiper Coworker
With one bad gossiper co-worker, start your request with, “Since you’re so good at…, I’d like to ask for your opinion.” Again, take notes. You could also say you’re asking other people who are good at the same thing for advice so you can get a full picture. Say you like to collect information and put it together in the best way that works for your situation. Taking notes and getting opinions makes everyone less likely to give you bad information. If you do use any information they give you, let them know what you used and how it improved your outcome. Say thank you.
Requirement For Opening Slammed Doors
My supervisor slammed door is the only slammed door I’ve ever been able to open, but it was different from other slammed doors.
Aside from my family, most of the slammed doors in my life were in occasional situations. I saw or talked to the ugly gossipers who slammed the doors only occasionally.
I saw my parents and siblings frequently only during childhood. I saw them all less and less as I moved through my adult years. My siblings treated me like a trespasser in their lives. Keeping their doors slammed to me was easier because they kept me at a distance. My mother included me only when she needed to look like a good mother. My father always treated me well, but I saw him less after I moved into my first apartment.
Bad and ugly gossipers in various communities where I’ve lived also closed and slammed doors to me while keeping me at a distance.
My supervisor couldn’t keep me at a distance because we job worked* in the same department. We had to see each other and talk to each other on workdays. Opening her door was possible because I could give her frequent invitations to open her door. Opening closed or slammed doors requires sincerity and openness. My repeated sincerity convinced my supervisor to be open-minded about my motives, and she eventually opened the door she had slammed. We even got to the point where we could laugh together.
You have to be in frequent communication with bad and ugly gossipers if you want to open closed and slammed doors.
© Paula M. Kramer, 2021 to the present
All rights reserved.