Real world examples of soft skill power strategies in sticky situations.
New examples are added at the bottom of each section.
Banks
Comfort For Customers
“The new branches are mainly outside city centres and are decidedly bare-bones. At a poky BTPN branch in Caracas, on the southern rim of Jakarta, a dog-eared sign hangs on the door and the floor could use a polish. This is deliberate, says Jerry Ng, the bank’s chief executive. Low-income customers “don’t dare” to walk into a posh banking hall (BTPN’s branches in central Jakarta are much plusher). Retired people get a tailored approach, too: BTPN operates branches that open at 5:30am on the first of the month, when state pensions are paid.”
Rich pickings: Jakarta
“Microlending has helped make BTPN one of Asia’s most profitable banks”
The Economist
April 23, 2011: page 82.
Blindness
Making Eye Contact
A blind member of Toastmasters figured out how to maintain eye contact during her speeches.
“All of the experts agree: Eye contact with your audience is crucial. This is impossible for me, but I have an effective workaround. Early in my speech, I try to say something funny. Once I get a laugh, I remember where those laughs came from and then look in that direction from time to time. I translate ear contact into eye contact.”
“Speaking in the Dark”
Mary Hiland, ACS, CL
Toastmaster Magazine
May 2014, ,pages 26-27.
Business
Recovering From Revenue Loss
After Medisys Health Communications revenue dropped from $5 to $1.4 million, founder and CEO Anna Walz made a decision.
“Their decision: to drop nearly everything the company had done for years and focus on something it had been providing to customers for free—consulting services that helped disparate groups within large drug companies collaborate effectively. The idea is to get scientists, marketers, and health economists to figure out how to tell the story of a drug—before the marketing or advertising begins.”
Their action plan included treating rivals as potential partners by explaining their new focus and offering to work as a consultant or subcontractor.
“Get small to get big. In other words, it’s all about the niches.”
Inc. Magazine
April 2012: page 92.
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Putting Time & Insights Where They Get Returns
Austin, Texas advertising agency Door Number 3 had trouble landing national accounts. President MP Mueller put a lot of time and money into landing one particular big client. She never got any response.
“So, in 2010, she made a change. No more Hail Marys aimed at snagging prestige accounts. Door Number 3 would focus on becoming the go to ad shop for clients in its hometown. Now, 80% of the company’s clients are in Austin, up from 15% a year ago.”
Her action plan included an outside focus and an inside focus. She became more active with local businesses and nonprofits. She used staff member insights to make her company an expert on local issues.
“Act locally. Not globally”
Inc. Magazine
April 2012: page 90.
Contract Negotiation
Giving A Choice To Ease Price Increases
Gorilla Fuel & Lube owner Robb Corwin had to renegotiate 600 one-year flat-rate contracts to keep his company afloat. In 2003 the costs of fuel rose, forcing Corwin to sell at a loss. He had to raise his prices. He offered his clients “new contracts with fluctuating rates set to a nationally published fuel cost, plus a margin for Corwin’s business.”
“With fuel costs soaring, Corwin had little to offer his clients except higher prices. But he did find one thing to sweeten the bitter deal: He told them they could choose the length of their contract.”
“When Good Deals Go Bad”
Dee Gill
Inc. Magazine
November 2007
Denial
“How to Deal with Colleagues in Denial”
Dr. Gleb Tsipursky
LinkedIn
March 25, 2020
Disagreeing
“11 Phrases To Use Instead of Automatically Agreeing With Someone—When You Actually Disagree”
Beth Ann Mayer
MSN
January 13, 2024 (?)
Diversity
Creating Psychological Safety
Diversity for innovation and creativity requires cultural intelligence, according to research by David Livermore. People from the Asia-Pacific can resist voicing their opinions in front of other people.
‘Employees in that culture had concerns about their ideas being judged, losing face or being viewed as incompetent if their ideas weren’t accepted,’ Livermore says/”
The global pharmaceutical company that wanted employee opinions created “more discrete ways for people to contribute ideas.”
Creating A Reason To Listen
U.S. Foreign Service Institute specialist William Weech found that some cultures emphasize hierarchy. People who grow up with that kind of emphasis listen to higher ups rather than peers. Weech adapted leadership training session exercises to that emphasis.
“Because they live in a hierarchical culture, the Kenyans didn’t have much interest in hearing their peers present,” Weech says. “When their peers were speaking, people ignore them and keep working.” So Weech made a change and instead asked each breakout group to report first to him, and then he presented that group’s findings to the whole class.
“They viewed me as more of an authority figure because I was the instructor, so when I said something, they paid attention and wrote it down.”
“Why You Need Cultural Intelligence”
Dave Zielinski
Toastmasters Magazine
May 2014: pages 24 and 25.
Due Diligence
Give What You Ask For
“If you are worried that due diligence will offend a potential partner, try leading by example. You could say: “Since you’re going to be tying your reputation to my business, you probably want a couple of references. Here are three or four of mine. And here’s the name of my commercial banker.”
“Ask Jim McCann”
CEO and Founder 1-800-Flowers.zoom
How can I assess the viability, reputation, and ethics of a potential strategic partner without damaging the relationship?”
Inc. Magazine
May 2009: page 109.
Express Store Lanes
Give Offenders A Choice
“I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the checkout line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, ‘So which six items would you like to buy?‘”
Bonnie Jones
All in a Day’s Work
Reader’s Digest
June 2003: page 71.
Education
Keeping The Most Important Factor Steady
The child of parents with mental illness and drug addiction, Lily was dyslexic and often skipped school. When a teacher gave her a warning about being held back, Lily changed her attitude. The next year she missed only 2 days of school and made the honor roll.
Then Lily was put into foster care. Fearful about falling behind in school, “she begged her social worker to let her stay in the same school no matter where she was living.” She got what she wanted.
Lily overcame her dyslexia, graduated from Yale, and now advocates for children in foster care.
“Lawyer Uses Her Own Experience As A Foster Kid To Advocate For Foster Care Rights”
Ashley McCann
The Hunger Site
No Date
“There is always hope for a better tomorrow!”
Kathy Fitzpatrick
Woman’s World Magazine
January 9, 2012: page 34.
Gun Violence
Suggest A Way To Release Tension
“School was over for the day when a boy walked into my classroom with two guns and a knife. My student Chelsea was the only other one there. The boy kept threatening to shoot; I don’t know why. I told myself, I can talk my way out of this. We were there for an hour. He put a gun to Chelsea’s head, but she was cool. She said, ‘We want to help you.’ We said, “Don’t shoot us, shoot out the window.’ He did—and ran away.”
“We Stared Into The Eyes Of A School Shooter”
Lisa Kukla
Glamour Magazine
The Hero Issue, probably 2006
Holidays
Give The Greetings People Want
Facebook Post
November 2023
When someone says “Happy Holidays”
instead of “Marry Christmas”,
remember,
they’re not doing it because of
political correctness.
They do it out of respect.
From the 20th of November to January 24th,
there are at least 14 different religious holidays.
So, when someone says Happy Holidays to you,
thank them.
Because they don’t know what you believe in.
It’s called respect,
Not a war on Christmas.
D. Kendra Francesco’s comment on the post:
“I worked retail, and we said it all the time. Did I get scolded, railed and yelled at,
and receive otherwise rude behavior? Yes I did.
Stopped several in their tracks when I pointed out that I had no idea what their
religion was.
Some would stare at me, anger most of the time often accompanied by “there’s only one
true religion.” Sometimes, it was a stare of, “I never thought about that.”
In any case, after putting the brakes on the “there’s only one” car, I’d ask what they wanted
me to say. Then I’d say that.”
D. Kendra Francesco has almost 40 years of retail experience.
“Start by understanding who and what manipulators are. Next, realize how you’re susceptible to their strategies. Then, use one of four strategies to outsmart them.”
Home Healthcare
Exposing Unprofessional Behavior
A friend’s daughter has a disabled husband who requires nursing visits.
One nurse got the drugged husband to tell her where the key to the safe was, and stole $1000. When the daughter complained, the nursing agency believed the nurse’s lies.
A new nurse came to the house but mostly spent her time on her cell phone. When she did any work, she left messes.
I suggested a solution.
First, while the new nurse is busy on her phone, take video of her just sitting and using her phone.
Second, inform the nursing agency that the new nurse just uses her phone and does no work.
Third, after the new nurse tells lies, produce the video proof.
Fourth, tell the nursing agency “The new nurse lied and so did the old one.”
This is an example of taking positive control in the small space of a situation.
Paula M. Kramer
June 21, 2024
Manipulation
Understanding Who, What, & How Before Acting
“Start by understanding who and what manipulators are. Next, realize how you’re susceptible to their strategies. Then, use one of four strategies to outsmart them.”
“Outsmarting Manipulators”
Lynne Curry
Workplace Coach Blog
November 21, 2023
Medical Appointments
Pointing Out The Obvious
A man in his 90s visited his doctor about one of his legs. The doctor examined him, then suggested that his age was the problem. The man reminded the doctor that “‘my other leg is the same age, and it don’t hurt.”
Life In These United States
Linda Perkins
Reader’s Digest
June 2023, pages 13-14.
Nudity
Putting A Twist On What Others Want
Louis CK
“[While we were shooting Lucky Louie], HBO asked us why there was no nudity. What they really meant was, Why wasn’t Pamela Adlon, who played my wife, nude? When I hired Pam, I didn’t tell her she was going to be doing anything like that. It wasn’t supposed to be that kind of show. So I said, ‘You know what, I’ll do it.’ And I did that episode, and they were like, ‘Okay, we have plenty of nudity, thank you.’”
“Dealing with the Network”
Reader’s Digest
September 2011: page 167.
Professional Success
Improvement With Accountability
When Teresa White got 360-degree feedback for her position as manager, she discovered her subordinates considered her “rigid, didn’t listen and didn’t care about their concerns.”
“She responded by explaining how she planned to be a more efficient, exemplary, humane leader.”
She requested their help in this by asking her subordinates to remind her when she was slipping.
“The Rules Of Engagement”
Katti Gray
Essence Magazine
October 27, 2020
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Reputation Damage Blindsided Me, Torpedoed My Job Prospects
Lynne Curry
Workplace Coach Blog
April 9, 2024
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Learning Enough To Know What To Ask
Shirley Tilghman became the first female president of Princeton University in 2001.
“She recalls the first time she met with Princeton’s chief investment officer. ‘I didn’t understand a word he said,’ she confesses. But instead of delving into finance, she asked him to tutor her in the basics so she would know enough to ask key questions and delegate.”
“From Lab Table to President’s Chair”
Diane Cole
U.S. News &World Report
November 19, 2007, page 61.
Public Transportation
Giving Passengers A Choice Of Identity
“It was rush hour, and when the bus finally arrived. it was packed. I tried to force my way on but no one would budge, even though there was ample room in the back. Then the bus driver took over.
‘Excuse me, ladies and gentleman,’ he shouted. ‘Will all the beautiful, smart people please move to the back, and all the stupid, ugly people stay up front?’
I was soon on the bus.”
Nanette Nicotra Gingo in the New York Times
Reader’s Digest
All In A Day’s Work
February 2004, page 74.
Speaking Up
Speaking Up To Open Doors For Speaking Up
“In comparison to the boys in class, the girls are a lot more reluctant to speak.
Having the all girls’ school experience of not having to worry about that competition, I have an easier time speaking out in class.
And if there’s something I want to say or that I’ve heard, I want to make a point of speaking up.
If that something is what another female student said under her breath or in a small group, I want to make sure their thoughts are heard. And since it’s easier for me, I can say it while identifying the female student who I’m quoting.”
Nora Bohannon
College Freshman
Personal conversation with Paula M. Kramer
Staff Morale
Scheduling Time For Fun
“Neil Leibovits, president of Ajilon Professional Staffing in Saddle Brook, New Jersey agrees. When I first became president, staff morale was extremely low and our turnover rate was very high,” he says. But after Lebovits sent employees to the beach for one meeting and scheduled in time for them to “just goof off” together, the turnover rate dropped and productivity immediately improved.”
“Hit the Schmooze Button”
Jessica Eule
Working Mother Magazine
June/July 2003: page 42.
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© Paula M. Kramer, 2023
All rights reserved.
Updated June 21, 2024.