I use —nemy and —nemies to refer to all 3 types of relationships at the same time.
3 Kinds Of Awareness
Reducing the hurtfulness from —nemies requires 3 kinds of awareness:
Awareness of your behavior
Awareness of supporters in the situation
Awareness of —nemy’s needs
Your Behavior
You know your High behavior style benefit behavior and backlash beware from this course.
Supporters
Identify Supporters by their helpfulness to you.
—nemy’s Needs & Passions
Identify each —nemy’s needs in this PDF file.
Putting Everything Together
Use the worksheet for this strategy to look at multiple situations for each —nemy. This will give you the ability to look for patterns. Knowing patterns means you can prepare yourself for each encounter to reduce hurtfulness.
Finding ways to include Supporters in opening doors will give your —nemy reasons to respond positively.
Below are common actions for each —nemy. Add whatever else you experience.
Factors For Success
As with everything I recommend for relationships, the 2 factors for success are:
Your sincerity
The other person’s open-mindedness
Even if the other person is close-minded, continue opening doors so bystanders can see you are sincere. Witnessing sincerity will give bystanders reasons to become your supporters when you need supporters.
Renemy
Making negative comparisons
Excluding you from family functions
Forgetting your birthday
Ignoring your words
Discounting your achievements
Making fun of you
Laughing at you
Discounting your experiences
Stealing from you
Scapegoating you
Denying your legal rights
Gaslighting you
Ignoring your calls, emails, texts
Spreading rumors about you
Asking you for favors, but failing to deliver on their promises
Accusing you of manipulation when you ask them to keep their promises
Behavior Style Strategies For Renemies
Frenemy
Putting you down in front of other friends
Backhanded compliments that are really insults
Backstabbing you
Lying to you
Manipulating your feelings
Making fun of you
Ignoring your words
Discounting your achievements
Stealing from you
Scapegoating you
Discounting your experiences
Gaslighting you
Ignoring your calls, emails, texts
Spreading rumors about you
Asking you for favors, but failing to deliver on their promises
Accusing you of manipulation when you ask them to keep their promises
Behavior Style Strategies For Frenemies
Conemy
Stealing your ideas
Claiming credit for your work
Backstabbing you
Lying to you
Undermining your work
Competing behind your back
Ignoring your words
Discounting your achievements
Competing behind your back
Withholding information on procedures, projects, meetings, updates
Failing to provide backup
Scapegoating you
Discounting your experiences
Gaslighting you
Ignoring your calls, emails, texts
Spreading rumors about you
Asking you for favors, but failing to deliver on their promises
Accusing you of manipulation when you ask them to keep their promises
Behavior Style Strategies For Conemies
Patterns
After you consider the —nemy’s actions in several different situations, look for patterns.
Do certain hurtful actions happen only in certain situations?
Do certain hurtful actions happen only when the same person or group of people is also in the situation?
Are there situations in which the —nemy is never hurtful?
After you identify patterns, plan ahead for limiting hurtfulness and encouraging helpfulness.
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© Paula M. Kramer, 2024 to the present.
All rights reserved.