A strategy for long term relationships,
meaning you both know you are in a long term relationship.
Remedy Revenge Strategy
Ending toxic words
Tit For Tat Basics
React to bad gossip immediately to avoid:
Accusations of escalation
Accusations of provocation
Giving permission to the gossiper to continue using bad gossip
Never echo the bad gossip by saying something as bad as what the gossiper said.
Never escalate by saying something worse than what the gossiper said.
Tit For Tat Plus
Add a good gossip statement after your Tit For Tat statement. Think of Bessie Delany as your guide. Bessie and Sarah Delany were twin sisters and human rights pioneers. Having Our Say: The Delany Sisters’ First 100 Years is their oral biography.
A bully to all children in Bessie’s and Sarah’s neighborhood said to Bessie:
“Bessie Delany, you scrawny thing. You’ve got the skinniest legs and the longest neck I ever did see.”
Bessie responded immediately with:
“Oh, why don’t you shut up. You ain’t so pretty yourself!”
The bully never bothered Bessie again.
Bessie’s Tit for Tat Plus statement could have been:
“…but you’re really good at jumping rope.”
It’s possible that the bully didn’t know how to talk to the other children to make friends. Tit For Tat Plus statements could teach bullies how to use good gossip to make friends.
Having Our Say: The Delany Sisters’ First 100 Years
Bessie and Sarah Delany
1993, page 9
© Paula M. Kramer, 2021 to the present
All rights reserved.