Stop talking when you can’t walk away.
Client & Supervisor
I worked in home healthcare as a companion for a number of years. For two and a half years, I worked in a residential care facility. My client was a woman in her late 30s who had the mental age of an 8 year old and the emotional age of a 4 year old. She enjoyed participating in Special Olympics track. I will call her Client. I will call the supervisor who used ugly gossip Supervisor.
Special Olympics
Client enjoyed participating in Special Olympics, both track and basketball. One year Client signed up for softball throw and came in 6th. The following year she decided to try turbojav and won silver. The third year, her track team had a new coach.
Client wanted to compete in turbojav again because she wanted to win a gold medal. On registration day, we signed her up for turbojav.
When we went to track practice, volunteers would direct Client to the softball throw area. I would direct her to the turbojav area. I finally understood what was happening when we received the schedule for the regional track meet.
The coach or a volunteer with the local Special Olympics committee had switched Client from turbojav to softball throw without saying anything to Client or me. Because the schedule was set, it was too late too change. Client had lost her chance to win a gold medal that year through no fault of her own.
Positive Action vs. Negative Words
Because Client had a low emotional age, she could be rude to other athletes. I would always try to soften her rudeness and get her to say nicer words. I would walk onto the field whenever I heard her being rude to have a few words with her.
One day Supervisor called to ask me to come to the office. Someone at the track practice had called the company to say I was a troublemaker. They said I was going on the field when I shouldn’t be there. They said I was interfering with the practice schedule.
I told Supervisor that I was trying to prevent Client from being rude to other athletes. Supervisor laughed and said Client wasn’t going to change, that she was rude and would always be rude. Supervisor purposefully ignored a major change Client had worked for months to achieve.
Client’s Personal Achievement
Client had been so terrified of a normal weather event that she would scream if she had to go outside during that weather event. Working together, several caregivers had helped Client overcome her terror. Client did so well at overcoming her terror that the caregiving company awarded Client a plaque at a company event. Just months later, Supervisor used ugly gossip to claim that Client could never change.
Refusing To Participate
I stopped talking at that point. I couldn’t walk away from Supervisor in a job I still wanted, but I could refuse to participate in ugly gossip about Client. I knew that Supervisor was determined to stereotype Client negatively. I said nothing about Client being robbed of her chance to win a gold medal in turbojav. Supervisor would have found another way to stereotype Client, and I didn’t want to hear it.
Note that ugly gossipers hurt, humiliate, and blame other people to hide their own wrongdoing. The troublemaker was the person who robbed Client of her chance to win turbojav gold that year.
© Paula M. Kramer, 2021 to the present
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