Chit chatting with a wide variety of people
in a wide variety of situations
cultivates the confidence to create connections
with specific people in specific situations
for career conversations.
“With a smile and a kind word they (True Warriors) make friends wherever they go,
and they never carry the mark of a victim.”
“Stated simply, the more friends you have in the world, the safer you are.”
Shawn T. Smith
Surviving Aggressive People:
Practical Violence Prevention Skills for the Workplace and the Street
Pages 2 and 15.
“As Granovetter pointed out, the people whom you spend a lot of time with
swim in the same pool of information as you do.
We depend on friendly outsiders to bring us news of opportunities
from beyond our immediate circles –
and so the more of those acquaintances we have, the better.”
Ian Leslie
“Why your ‘weak-tie’ friendships may mean more than you think”
BBC
July 2, 2020
“But in a place such as Silicon Valley weak ties are gold.”
Eric Weiner
The Geography of Genius:
Lessons from the World’s Most Creative People
Page 303
Bookstores
As I entered the bookstore, a man was talking to the owner. I heard him name a woman I know. He then talked about her ethnic background.
I announced,
“I’m her neighbor.”
I said the name of the village we live in.
Flustered, the man asked Bookstore Owner if our village was near another village. She said yes.
Whatever you say in public goes into the ears of bystanders,
who might know more than you think they know.
Car Dealership
Forgotten Fix
May 4, 2023
In the waiting room, a decades younger woman looked at her watch. I asked how long she’d been waiting.
“2 hours.”
She brought her car in for an oil change and forgot about a recall fix.
She was happy to leave before my windshield wiper replacement was finished.
~~~~~~~~~~
A Sign From Heaven
November 9, 2023
I had a conversation with another woman waiting for repairs. Her car was 12 years old and she’s loved it since the moment she first saw it.
When she came to the dealership to buy a car, that car was sitting by itself, no other cars around it. The sun came out and a ray of sunlight came down directly on that car.
Car Owner walked inside the dealership and said she wanted to buy the car in the sun without asking about the brand or price.
Her face glowed while she talked about her car.
Spranger Guiding Value Clue
Seeing beauty and unique experiences into an object
Harmony
Courthouse
Self-Defense Need
February 2023
I took my grandson to the clerk of courts office for a document he needed. We had to pass through security.
I asked the security agent if he ever found anything.
“Yes. Empty ankle holsters.”
Note to self: Time for an online search about spotting ankle holsters.
Concealed Holster Test – Can You Tell Who’s Concealed Carrying?
How To Tell If Someone Is Armed
Dental Clinic
January 7, 2025
Right Place
A new dental assistant was in her second week of training. I asked her how it was going.
She was enjoying the job. She worked as a server for 5 years, then decided she wanted to work in the dental field. She worked at a lab making and repairing dentures, then decided she wanted to work with people She’s very happy working with people.
I told New Dental Assistant that I was glad she found her place.
I said that too many people become doctors because their parents want them to be doctors, not because they want to be doctors. Those doctors aren’t good for patients. New Dental Assistant agreed with me. She wants to work with people in the dental field, so she’ll be good for patients.
DISC Behavior Style Clues
Outgoing
People-oriented
High I Influence
Garden Center
Lilacs
April 27, 2023
I asked a man about multiple plants he was wheeling out to his truck. All lilacs, white and purple.
I told him about my lilacs, burgundy.
A pleasant conversation with laughter and smiles.
~~~~~~~~~~
Seeing Equality
May 5, 2023
I arrived at the garden center shortly after it opened for the day to buy big bags of soil. I made eye contact with both of the cashiers while saying I needed help getting the bags to my car. The cashier with Asian features helped me.
We had a conversation about the wide variety of people who come into the garden center sharing an interest in growing things. We agreed it would be beneficial to acknowledge that differences don’t matter when interests is shared.
~~~~~~~~~~
Loving Husband
May 15, 2024
In the outside area, I saw a woman pushing a cart with several flower pots for hanging. I said they would be beautiful.
Lucky Wife and her husband had been driving past a business on a highway when they saw a wooden stand with several arms for hanging flower pots. She admired the plant stand. A few days later, they went for a close up look at the wooden stand. Loving Husband took measurements. Two days later, Lucky Wife had the wooden stand she had admired. She was buying the same plants they saw on the stand in front of the business.
“Your husband loves you!”
She agreed.
DISC Behavior Style Clue
Husband paid attention to Wife
and made her the plant stand she admired.
High S Steadiness
~~~~~~~~~~
Cart Accident Benefit
May 15, 2024
Standing in line at the same outside area, the woman behind me grazed my leg with her cart. She apologized.
“I thought I missed your leg.”
I assured her it wasn’t a bad hit. I admired her annuals. Picking up one pot with a white flower, she told me it was a double impatiens that looks like a rose. She was pleased to have found one.
“They’re hard to find.”
The plant was beautiful.
“I’m glad you bumped into me, because now I know to look for double impatiens!”
Gas Stations
Frozen Car Door Solution
January 2, 2024
I drove to the gas station this morning, but couldn’t get gas. I forgot that recent freezing rain meant my gas door would be iced closed. I’d forgotten to put a spray bottle with alcohol in my car for freezing rain days. I spray the alcohol into the cracks around the door and wait a few moments. A neighbor had suggested alcohol for a frozen car door lock, and it worked with frozen car doors, too.
Going back this evening after warmer temperatures had thawed my gas door, I told the attendant about my failed gas run this morning.
Attendant nearly pulled his door handle off his car door after freezing rain. He had to crawl in through the passenger door until he could afford to fix his door handle.
I told him my alcohol in a spray bottle solution.
No more door handle replacements for him.
~~~~~~~~~~
Cloud Or Flying Saucer?
May 11, 2024
While filling my car with gas, I saw a cloud that had a face showing surprise. I finished with the gas, stuck the nozzle in the pump, and walked around the pump to take a photograph. By then the clouds had shifted. Walking back to my car I said to the short old man with a long white beard,
“The cloud had a face.”
Old White Beard said,
“I thought you might have seen a flying saucer!”
I said,
“That would have been better!”
DISC Behavior Style Clues
Friendliness
Humor
High I Influence
~~~~~~~~~~
Podcast / Real Life
June 14, 2024
Driving to the gas station, I listened to an Art of Manliness Podcast about neighbors and community #176. Guest Marc J. Dunkelman talked about the vanishing middle ring of social life.
A man got out of his car on the opposite side of my pump and said,
“Good morning.”
I told him about the podcast. The host was saying we’ve lost the art of talking to our neighbors and I get out of my car to him greeting me.
“That’s why we live in a small community.”
I told him that I make a point of getting to know my neighbors. When I had a recent water leak, 4 neighbors helped me with it. I said the name of my village. He said he lives just up the road from me. He did look familiar, so I introduced myself and he told me his name. I do know him, but I know his wife better than I know him.
I sent my greetings to his wife.
DISC Behavior Style Clues
Friendly
Outgoing
High I Influence
~~~~~~~~~~
Grandma Satisfaction
June 14, 2024
Going inside the gas station right after the conversation above, I asked the cashier how often she sees her grandchildren.
She was picking 2 of them up later that day for a farm open house. They were spending the night.
This cashier has a job at a business where the president treated me badly. I’ve been making a point of being friendly to her, and we enjoy seeing each other.
~~~~~~~~~~
Something Instead of Nothing
July 3, 2024
I asked the clerk if she had to work on July 4th.
“Only in the morning.”
I asked if she would get holiday pay.
“I think they give gift cards.”
I said that least it was something.
“That’s what I thought.”
~~~~~~~~~~
Brain Overload
March 8, 2025
I worked on my taxes before running errands. After filling my car with gas, I took out cash to match the number of gallons, not the amount of the sale. When Cashier asked for the amount of the sale, I told her I had been working on my taxes.
“No problem. Your brain can take only so much before it gets overloaded.”
I agreed.
Grocery Stores
Gardening
May 24, 2023
In a checkout line, I asked the decades younger man behind me if he plants anything. He rototills for a friend and enjoys the harvest.
I told Rototiller Man I hung an in door strawberry plant outside today.
We wished each other happy planting.
~~~~~~~~~~
Shoplifting
May 4, 2023
In a self-checkout section, I asked 1 of 2 young attendants about theft. She said it’s bad.
I told her about my experience as an employee in a small Chicago specialty shop. A white man in business attire shoplifted a small statue from Africa.
We agreed that shoplifters are not always who you think they are.
~~~~~~~~~~
One Cashier
May 11, 2023
Only one cashier was checking out customers. I asked her if the store was short-staffed. Cashier said the store had reduced staff hours. A lot of employees wanted to earn money, but couldn’t get the schedules they needed to earn enough money to pay their bills.
I felt sad for all the employees who wanted to earn money to pay their bills, but couldn’t.
~~~~~~~~~~
Tired Cashier
May 18, 2023
Walking into the store, a clerk asked me how I was. I said I was good because I had slept well. I asked if she had slept well.
No she hadn’t, but was getting off soon and would take a nap.
I wished her a good nap. Clerk thanked me.
~~~~~~~~~~
My Bad Parking
May 20, 2023
I drove to a small grocery store and parked right next to the building. I parked a little too wide because the space was next to a tent with hanging plants. I saw my tires on the line, but told myself I would be quick.
When I came out a few minutes later, people were getting out of their car on the other side of the parking space I had blocked. I said I hadn’t parked very well.
“It happens.’
I said more in winter than in spring.
“You lost that excuse!”
We laughed.
DISC Behavior Style Clues
Positive
Joking
High I Influence
~~~~~~~~~~
Equality In Laughter
June 15, 2023
I sent a text while in the store. My iPhone changed ‘going to’ into ‘Giotto’ for some strange reason. Laughing, I approached a white female employee and a Black male employee to share the laughter.
White Female was closer, so I held my phone for her to see first. We laughed a bit while Black Male looked off to the side.
I made a point of holding my phone so Black Male could read the text himself. We also laughed a bit.
It was an easy way to demonstrate equality to the bystanders in the same aisle.
~~~~~~~~~~
A Score For Smiles
July 1, 2023
Shared Reality In A Single Sentence
(YOU Section, Synchronizing Similarities)
In line at a small grocery store, I noticed a magazine cover with the face of Jackie Kennedy and a story about her secret life. Jackie Kennedy died in 1994.
The older female cashier rarely smiled at me, but I referred to the magazine cover and said it was written for people our age.
Older Female Cashier smiled AND chuckled then said,
“I noticed that. I wondered if they had a slow week.”
Got her to smile! SCORE!
~~~~~~~~~~
A Floor Mat Not Doing Its Job
July 15, 2023
I walked into the grocery store where the unsmiling cashier finally smiled with me over a magazine cover. She watched me walk in and walk onto a floor mat.
“You nearly tripped on that mat. It has one job to do and it has trouble doing it. All it has to do
is stay flat on the floor, but it won’t.”
Laughing, I suggested training.
Formerly Unsmiling Cashier went from not smiling with me to smiling with me to joking with me!
DOUBLE SCORE!
DISC Behavior Style Blend Clues
Reserved at first
Friendly and joking after shared reality
High S Steadiness / High I Influence
~~~~~~~~~~
Believing The Cashier
July 13, 2023
In the checkout line, I saw fruit flavored chocolate bars. I asked the cashier if he had tried them. He said he had, the chocolate was good, and he would check me out again if I went back for it.
I did go back for the chocolate, and I did go through Cashier’s line again.
“I’m believing you!”
“Thank you!”
~~~~~~~~~~
Hair Colors
October 20. 2023
The cashier had corkscrew hair that was brown on the top half and dark pink on the bottom half.
I asked if she colors her own hair.
“I do.”
I asked if she going to try any other colors.
“Eventually, but I’m sticking with the dark pink for now.”
I told her it looks very good.
“Thank you.”
DISC Behavior Style Clue
Unique hair color
High I Influence
~~~~~~~~~~
Brotherly Fun
February 09, 2024
A cashier had stand up hair on top of his head. It was colored a combination of orange and yellow.
I asked if he ever got negative comments about his hair.
“No, they’re mostly positive. Only my brother gives me trouble.”
I wondered if trouble was what he could expect from a brother.
He agreed.
~~~~~~~~~~
Breaking Stereotypes
February 9, 2024
The family in front of me had a cart full of groceries. The big husky father stood behind the cart, feeding the tiny child in the seat. The mother stood at the front of the cart, unloading everything.
I walked up to stand between the father and mother and to tell them how impressed I was to see the woman unloading the cart while the man fed the child.
They responded positively.
The Black male cashier said that teamwork mattered more than stereotyped roles.
No one was behind me, so Black Male Cashier told me how frustrated he was with the stereotype that Black fathers are absent.
His father worked for a railroad. His mother had her own daycare business in their house.
Father came home from his railroad job to cook dinner while Mother drove the daycare children home.
Teamwork instead of stereotyped roles.
DISC Behavior Style Clues
Focus on teamwork
Focus on family
High S Steadiness
~~~~~~~~~~
Unwelcome Find
February 27, 2024
The woman in front of me in line was wearing green rubber boots with white polka dots. I told her I liked the boots.
Boot Wearer puts them on once a year at maple syrup time. She shakes them out before she puts them on, just in case something crawled in over the last year.
I told her my story.
I spent a lot of time with an elderly woman. I went to her house one winter day to take her out.
When I went for her boots, I smelled something dead in that room. I could not find any small corpse.
I put one boot on my friend’s left foot and all went well.
But Elderly Woman told me the right boot had something in it when I tried putting it on her foot. Luckily, I turned the boot upside down instead of reaching inside.
Dead mouse.
~~~~~~~~~~
Mother’s Day Reminder
May 12, 2024
The grandma-looking woman in front of me in line was all dressed up. I asked if she was dressed up for Mother’s Day or for church. She responded that it was Sunday so she was dressed up for church.
However…
“No one in church said anything about Mother’s Day, so I stood up and wished every mother a Happy Mother’s Day.”
The wisdom of grandmas!
DISC Behavior Style Blend Clues
Dressing up for church
Taking the spotlight to maintain tradition
High C Conscientiousness / High I Influence
or
High I Influence / High C Conscientiousness
Spranger Guiding Value Clue
Attending church every Sunday
Belief
~~~~~~~~~~
Something In The Air
June 20, 2024
My purchases came to $20.39. I pulled out coins and a $20 bill. I counted through my coins and handed 39 cents to the young cashier. An older cashier stood by, obviously training Young Cashier. Young Cashier looked at the coins with confusion. I realized I hadn’t given her the $20 bill and handed it over.
“Sorry, I forgot I hadn’t given you the $20.”
Young Cashier looked confused in a new way.
“You don’t have to give me the 39 cents if you give me a $20.”
Training Cashier leaned over and said,
“She gave you the 39 cents because she wants a single bill back.”
We all laughed and I said,
“There’s something in the air that made us both lose our ability to think.”
We all laughed again.
~~~~~~~~~~
Colorful Shoes
August 2, 2024
The woman in front of me in line wore multi-colored shoes. I admired the shoes and said I would like multi-colored T strap shoes.
The woman said her shoes are children’s shoes.
“Children have big feet now.”
I can look in more places for multi-colored T strap shoes!
DISC Behavior Style Clue
Colorful, attention drawing shoes
High Influence
~~~~~~~~~~
Full Acceptance
December 21, 2024
A female employee wearing a beaded hijab stood near the exit door. I knew she was an employee because she wore an employee name tag.
I asked her if she’d experienced any stereotyping because of her hijab.
No. She moved to the United Stated 6 years ago. She applied for jobs in 3 cities, saying at every job interview:
“This is who I am. I am Muslim.”
All 3 companies hired her.
Her English was halting, but I could understand what she said to me. I told her I was very happy that she had experienced so much acceptance. She thanked and wished me Merry Christmas.
After leaving the store, I realized I hadn’t asked where she came from. But where she came from isn’t what matters. What matters is that she feels acceptance now that she is here. And she does.
DISC Behavior Style Clues
Positivity about herself
Friendliness,
Enjoying conversation
High I Influence
Spranger Guiding Value Clue
Determination to follow the traditions of her faith
Belief
~~~~~~~~~~
Old But Not Stupid
December 23, 2024
Walking past a man wearing a colorful jacket, I told him I liked his jacket. He thanked me, then kept talking so I stopped to listen.
He had worn his jacket at a big mall. A young woman came up to him to say she liked his jacket. He thanked her and moved on.
Half an hour later, he walked past a kiosk. The young woman who had admired his jacked was inside the kiosk, selling some kind of cream. She called him over.
Young Woman held up a container of the cream and started telling Old Man how wonderful it was. She reached for his hand to apply some of the cream. Old Man pulled his hand away. Young Woman said,
“You’re breaking my heart!”
Old Man said no thank you and walked away.
“I may be old, but I’m not stupid.”
I wondered if Young Woman’s pay came only from the sales she made.
DISC Behavior Style Blend Clues
Colorful jacket
Starting a conversation,
Disliking touch he didn’t invite
High I Influence / High D Dominance
or
High D Dominance / High I Influence
~~~~~~~~~~
Food For Teenagers
February 15, 2025
I walked into a line behind a man with a young child in the cart. The conveyor belt was covered with food, mostly bags of fruits and vegetables. I observed that his family ate healthy food.
His response was that the food that had gone through first was not so healthy. He had teenagers who wanted quick to eat food. He got home late from his job, so he bought food his teenagers could fix quickly.
A single parent with at least 3 children doing the best he could.
DISC Behavior Style Clues
Focus on family
Loyalty to teenager desires
High I Steadiness
~~~~~~~~~~
Planning Ahead
February 27, 2025
The store was crowded today. I realized it was crowded because people were shopping before the economic blackout planned for the 28th. A female customer and I discussed the crowded store. She said it was crowded everywhere.
I said I’d been buying ahead on my basic necessities since the November 2024 election. Not many workers will be out picking tomatoes this year.
Female Customer said she’d noticed a young man buying dozens of canned goods. He said he was buying them while he could still afford them.
Female Customer said,
“Pretty soon, we won’t be able to eat. I could afford to lose a few pounds.”
I took home more of the tomato products I frequently use in my cooking.
DISC Behavior Style Clue
Young Man making a plan
High C Conscientiousness
~~~~~~~~~~
Lemon Love
March 6, 2025
Approaching a freezer, I saw a woman with a bag of lemons. I asked her:
“What do you do with your lemons? I make lemon paste.”
She smiled and said:
“I just like to drink lemon in water.”
My response:
“Lemons are good for your lungs.”
She agreed and wished me a good day as she walked away.
Homes
Understanding Each Other’s Lives
June 20, 2024
Plumbers came to my house to fix a leak. I asked Older Plumber how many more jobs they had today. Three small ones, then a big one.
“Why do you ask?”
I said I was curious.
After they finished the job, I explained that I think the country would be more effective if we understood each other’s lives.
Older Plumber asked what kind of work I do. I said I was currently doing home healthcare, but was also setting up online self-study courses. I told both plumbers about my childhood spinal injury that made earning money difficult. I asked them to tell any children in their lives to never pull a chair out from under anyone. Some people are instantly paralyzed if they land the wrong way. Older Plumber said,
“You were lucky.”
I agreed.
More understanding, one chit chat conversation at a time.
Hospitals
Healthy Soap
August 6, 2024
In the rest room, I was washing my hands. The soap dispenser announced that “Healthy Soap” was inside.
A woman came out of a stall and approached the sink. Her body moved continuously, particularly her head. Instead of focusing on her physical disorder, I focused on our shared activity, washing our hands. I pointed at the soap dispenser and said:
“Aren’t we lucky we have healthy soap?”
She looked at the label and agreed, then said:
“If it makes us laugh…”
We shared a laugh.
DISC Behavior Style Clue
Focus on laughter
High I Influence
Library
Scooter Fun
May 24, 2023
As I walked toward the library, I stopped to look at a scooter in the bike rack. It was a triangle with rounded corners.
I left the library at the same time as the scooter owners, a little girl with her father. I said I’d never seen that kind of scooter before.
Father showed me the long dog leash he had attached to the front of the scooter for pulling it when Daughter didn’t feel like propelling it. I noticed the ankle brace on his leg. Father had sprained it running with the scooter.
Daughter giggled as the scooter bounced off the sidewalk onto the road. I laughed with her.
Meat Market
Ending Water Retention
May 18, 2023
When I picked up my bi-weekly order of chicken thighs, a new employee asked me why I buy so many chicken thighs.
I explained that my stressful life had left me with water weight problems and water in my inner ears. Taurine in chicken thighs work with magnesium citrate from supplements and potassium from fruits and vegetables to release excess water from cells.
New Employee can now pass the information on to other customers, creating a little more happiness in the world.
I have lost water weight without dieting and my hearing has improved.
DISC Behavior Style Clue
Curiosity
High I Influence
Medical Clinic
Best & Brightest
May 18, 2023
In the waiting room, I watched a news segment about a man who had installed 15 life vest kiosks along a river in Richland County, Wisconsin. A 5 year old girl not wearing a life vest had drowned in that river. Police have never pulled a body wearing a life jacket out of that section of the river.
I told the receptionist about this wonderful project. We agreed that the best and the brightest are ordinary.
Neighborhood
Making Work Fun
Spring 2023
My neighborhood is building a low stone wall along our property line. I went out to see what the workers were doing. I said I was just curious and asked about some planks on the ground.
The man in charge came from the other side of the long hole to explain what the wood was for.
I asked them all if they enjoy their work.
“Sometimes”
One of the other workers said,
“If not for these two, it wouldn’t be any fun at all.”
I was happy to bring positive feelings between the coworkers into the open.
DISC Behavior Style Clues
Using the word “fun”
Continuing the conversation
High I Influence
~~~~~~~~~~
Fun At Work
December 15, 2023
I was at a neighbor’s house when his septic field was being replaced. I watched for a bit, then asked a worker if he considered his job fun.
“Oh, yes! I get to work outside!”
I observed that they get to dig things up.
“Oh, yeah! You can wreck a lot of things.”
DISC Behavior Style Clues
Enthusiasm
Humor
High I Influence
Parking Lots
Fun Grandma
May 3, 2024
I saw a Grandma drive into the lot in a PC Cruiser convertible. A small boy sat in the back seet. I approached the car. I told PC Convertible Cruiser Grandson he was lucky to be riding around in a convertible with his Grandma and told him he had a fun Grandma.
Grandma said,
“He’s a fun grandson.”
She also described her the PC Cruiser convertible as her “fun car.”
As we walked toward the store I told PC Cruiser Grandma I was happy that other people could see a Grandma driving a fun car.
DISC Behavior Style Clues
Driving a convertible “fun car”
High I Influence
~~~~~~~~~~
Motorcycles
June 9, 2024
As I approached my car, a white haired man with a mustache was getting ready to put his helmet on before riding his motorcycle again. I told him that when I was 25, I had a motorcycle boyfriend.
Kurt and I met in May and he told me right away that he was moving to San Diego in November. We were too different to maintain a long term relationship, but we had a lot of fun that summer, my motorcycle summer.
Motorcycle Man’s wife use to ride with him, but now she has medical problems. He can take only short trips alone. He’s trying to talk his wife into getting a convertible or jeep, but she keeps saying she’d be too cold. He keeps pointing out that she rode the motorcycle for years.
I said to remind her that that they would be riding in an open car together. He smiled.
I hope she listens.
DISC Behavior Style Clues
Riding a possibly risky motorcycle
Wanting driving time with his wife
High D Dominance / High S Steadiness
or
High S Steadiness / High D Dominance
~~~~~~~~~~
License Plate
July 23, 2024
I parked next to a big pickup truck. The license plate said Arizona. A tall man approached the truck. I asked if he was from Arizona. Taken aback, he said yes. I asked what he was doing in Wisconsin. He used to live here.
He looked at his license plate and realized I knew he was from Arizona because of his license plate. He was obviously relieved.
I asked him what he does in Arizona.
“Living the dream.”
I congratulated him, then went inside the thrift store.
DISC Behavior Style Clues
Suspicious
Reserved
High C Conscientiousness
~~~~~~~~~~
Appreciated Compliment
July 23, 2024
Coming out of the thrift store, I walked into the parking lot where I had the conversation with the man who had an Arizona license plate.
Moving past a group of 6 women, I said,
“I see fashionable older women shop here!”
1 of the 6 said,
“I take that as a compliment!”
I said,
“It is a compliment. We know how to shop!”
Laughter and agreement.
DISC Behavior Style Clues
Positivity
Humor
High I Influence
~~~~~~~~~
Dangerous Working Condition
August 2, 2024
As I was walking towards the grocery store, I passed a young man barely pushing 19 carts (I counted) towards the store. I asked him if he normally pushes that many carts.
“No. I’m only supposed to push 8.”
I asked him why he was pushing that many.
“Because we’re behind.”
I said I hoped he wouldn’t hurt himself.
I wrote a Google review for the store about the incident, saying that if I ever see it again, I will file a report with OSHA.
DISC Behavior Style Clue
Loyalty to the job
High S Steadiness
~~~~~~~~~~
Sleep
October 17, 2024
Waiting outside my granddaughter’s school, I saw a woman yawn big, arms over her head big.
I walked over to her and asked when she would get to sleep next.
She sleeps mostly well, but she’s been taking naps lately and she seems to be more tired taking naps. I said that if I nap every day, I have trouble sleeping at night.
She has her best days when she sleeps 7 hours at night without naps.
~~~~~~~~~~
Asking For A Cop Stop?
February 27, 2025
Walking past a big pickup truck, I noticed the rear license plate was upside down. I stopped to make sure I was seeing what I thought I was seeing. Yep! Upside down.
I pointed the upside down license plate to a man walking up behind me. He stopped and looked at it in shock.
“That’s a good way to get pulled over!”
The man did wanted I hadn’t thought to do. He checked the front license plate.
Right side up!
DISC Behavior Style Clues
Humor
Curiosity
High I Influence
~~~~~~~~~~
Liking Big Cars
March 3, 2025
I approached a woman who was probably in her 80s as she prepared to get into an SUV. I said it was fun to see old ladies driving big cars.
Old Lady SUV Driver likes big cars. She had to sell a pickup truck when her husband died. She really liked driving their pickup, but getting up into it was getting harder, so she sold it.
Old Lady SUV Driver feels better in big cars. She was a little surprised because she sees old ladies driving big cars and trucks all the time. I told her I grew up in the Chicago area where old ladies didn’t drive big cars or pickup trucks.
Old Lady SUV Driver understood.
I own an SUV, but it’s a small one with good gas mileage. Rural living often requires larger vehicles.
DISC Behavior Style Clue
Feeling better in big cars because of
having more control on the road
High C Conscientiousness
Post Office
Tattoos
March 26, 2024
The postal worker had a tattoo on the front of her neck, a flower design like a necklace chain.
I asked what position she had to hold her head in to get that tattoo.
She had to think about it because she got that tattoo years ago. She rested her head far back.
I asked how long she had to hold that position.
As long as she could stand it.
I told her I liked her tattoo and she thanked me. We wished each other a good day.
DISC Behavior Style Clue
Tattoo in a prominent place
High I Influence
Possible Spranger Guiding Value Clue
Feelings from people seeing her tattoo
Harmony
Retail Stores
Satisfying Oneself
May 11, 2023
I saw an elderly woman looking at flower bouquets. I encouraged her to buy one for herself.
“It’s the only way I get them!”
I told Elderly Woman to make sure she bought herself flowers.
Elderly Woman picked out a bouquet of red flowers.
Spranger Guiding Value Clue
Buying flowers for the feelings they give her
Harmony
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A Tall Woman
May 25, 2023
I collect stereotypes for my 5 blog posts listing stereotypes.
Standing behind a tall woman in line, I asked her about stereotypes she’s faced. Only stereotypes that she would be good at playing basketball and volleyball. She’s not good at either sport.
Tall Woman had mostly dated must shorter men, so she saw no stereotypes about short men. She’s 3/4 of an inch taller than her husband.
She also has excellent hearing, much to her son’s regret.
When she finished checking out, Tall Woman thanked me for the conversation.
Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: People In General
Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: Workplaces
Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: Romance
Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: Ethnic, National, & Racial Identities
Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: Poverty
DISC Behavior Style Clues
Enjoying conversation
Open minded about dating shorter men
High I Influence
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Hope
December 14, 2023
A young man walked up to the self-checkout next to the one I was using. He bought a bouquet of flowers. a vase. and a card.
I wanted to encourage Young Man.
“I hope she likes them.”
Young Man smiled at me.
“I hope so, too.”
He was finished before I was, and wished me a good day before walking away.
DISC Behavior Style Clues
Friendly
Open to conversation
High I Influence
~~~~~~~~~~
Caffeine Persona
January 11, 2024
The customer in front of me seemed to be having fun with the young man who was cashiering. He seemed to be having fun, too.
When it was my turn, I asked Cashier if he liked his job.
“I’ve had a lot of caffeine.”
I asked if he’d had a lot of caffeine because he didn’t get enough sleep the night before.
“I got good sleep…and I’ve had a lot of caffeine.”
I hope to checkout with Cashier again to see what he’s like without a lot of caffeine.
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Smiles For Children
May 9, 2024
I smiled at a baby in a a cart that passed me. Then I smiled at the little girl in line in front of me. I said to the mother,
“I missed smiling at children when we had to wear masks for COVID.”
She agreed and said,
“We just looked angry when we tried to smile.”
~~~~~~~~~~
Demonstrating Networking For Success Step #3: Look for common ground.
June 2, 2024
Waiting my turn in line for a busy service person, I turned around to watch people walking past. I saw a Black woman pushing a cart, one daughter sitting in the cart while another daughter walked in front of the cart. All wore red blouses. I was also wearing a red blouse.
I walked up to the mother and said,
“I like your red tops! I’m wearing a red top!”
Black Mother smiled and said,
“Yes! You ought to come with us!”
The 2 girls learned from a stranger how to look for common ground. They learned from their mother how to respond to positively to common ground. They now have examples to follow when networking for their own success.
DISC Behavior Style Clues
Friendly
Outgoing
Open minded
High I Influence
~~~~~~~~~~
Enjoying Freckles
July 8, 2024
The young cashier had freckles all over her cheeks. I told her that when I was younger I had freckles just like hers. I said I miss them.
She loves her freckles, too.
“I hate it in the winter.”
I hoped her freckles could stay dark for her so she can continue to enjoy them.
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German Shepherds
October 2, 2024
The woman in front of me in the checkout line had 3 huge bags of dog food in her cart. The cashier asked the customer what kind of dogs whe had. German shepherds. Cashier asked if her dogs had any health problems. Dog Owner said no. Cashier said every shepherd she knew about had health problems, including her own. Dog Owner said hers had none.
I asked Dog Owner where she got her dogs. From a breeder in Arizona who breeds dogs for police departments in Los Angeles and Las Vegas.
I also asked how long the 3 bags of dog food would last. About a month.
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Painted Nails
October 6, 2024
The sage citizen cashier had fingernails decorated with different Halloween designs. I admired them, saying I was pleased to see someone her age with decorated fingernails.
She said she has fun doing it. She has fun with her fingernail artist as well. He kept teasing her about “painting all of that” and “on all 10 nails” when she went to his salon.
DISC Behavior Style Clues
Attention getting fingernails
Using the word “fun”
Enjoying conversation
High I Influence
~~~~~~~~~~
Memory Lapse At Any Age
November 13, 2024
I walked up to a cashier in his 20s. Young Cashier asked how my day was going.
“I left my cell phone at home plugged into my computer to charge.”
Old Me asked Young Cashier how his day was going.
“I got confused. I worked on Monday, then went shopping yesterday. I came in today and was confused about whether I was supposed to work today.”
Now I have a story to tell when people stereotype me as a forgetful old woman.
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Animal Delight
November 29, 2024
The woman checking out ahead of me put a pile of small plastic wild animals on the counter.
I said I imagined some child being delighted with the animals.
The animals are a Christmas present is for her one year old granddaughter. Granddaughter loves setting the animals on windowsills. She made her first trip to the zoo recently, and ran back and forth to see all the animals.
I said I would think of her granddaughter on Christmas Day.
~~~~~~~~~~
Rude Mother
December 9, 2024
I stood behind my friend as she was checking out. The customer service desk was opposite the checkout line. A man was busy with that attendant while his toddler son stood next to him. A woman carrying a 6 or 7 year old girl approached the man and toddler for a brief conversation, then disappeared to the left with her daughter.
Toddler suddenly ran our way, headed toward the interior of the store. Father paid no attention. Mother was out of sight. I grabbed hold of Toddler’s arm as he passed me and waited for a parent to pay attention.
Moments later, Mother came around the corner. As she approached me, she said I could let go of Toddler’s arm because
“He’s fine.”
As Mother carried Toddler past me, I told her I didn’t want him to disappear. Mother responded with a curt “Thank you.”
Cashier saw everything. After Friend finished, Cashier leaned over the counter and asked:
“Was that woman rude to you about her child?”
“Yes!”
“Then she would watch her children!”
I agreed.
Spranger Guiding Value Clues
Mother felt her image was threatened
Rudeness
Position
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Same Jacket
December 21, 2024
2 men were the checkout line in front of me. I knew they were together because they were talking to each other. I don’t often have chit chats with men in checkout lines, so I tried to think of a way to start a conversation with them. Then I realized they were wearing the same jacket. I had an opener.
“It looks like you’re wearing the same jacket.”
“We are! We look like we work together, but we don’t.”
They like the jackets because they are sturdy and rugged. I asked if that kind of jacket is also made for women. The brand is Carhartt, and they do make jackets for women.
We then talked about juice because I was buying 3 cans of pineapple juice. It’s good for preventing colds. They drink V-8 every day.
I said,
“We’re a healthy lot!”
They agreed.
As they left I thanked them for talking to me. I said this is the way you learn what to buy, talking to people.
They agreed and thanked me for the conversation as well.
DISC Behavior Style Clues
Outgoing
Friendly
Enjoying conversation
High I Influence
~~~~~~~~~~
Super Saturday Worse Than Black Friday
December 21, 2024
After the men wearing the same jackets left, I asked the cashier how she was doing, since it was the last Saturday before Christmas. She had just come on her shift and was busy, but would get a lunch break.
I said it looked busy.
She said that Super Saturday was busier than Black Friday had been.
I wished her an Merry Christmas when I left.
~~~~~~~~~~
Black Friday Worse Than Super Saturday
December 21, 2024
At the next store, I asked the cashier how she was doing. It was steadily busy.
“I’m doing okay.”
I told her what the cashier at the other retail store said about Super Saturday being busier than Black Friday.
“Black Friday was busier here than today is.”
I wished her Merry Christmas, too.
~~~~~~~~~
Few Headlights On A Foggy Day
December 27, 2024
On my way to the store, most cars and trucks had no headlights on in thick fog. I asked a customer next to me if the experience was the same for her.
It was. She was shocked.
I wondered why.
“I think a lot of people put their headlights on automatic. I put mine on automatic, but I turn my headlights on in fog.”
I said that was probably it!
She agreed.
“If I was a copy, I would stop every car!”
I said I would write a post on Facebook when I got home. I did.
DISC Behavior Style Clues
Procedure for headlights
Talk about authority
High C Conscientiousness
~~~~~~~~~~
Widows Supporting Each Other
February 27, 2025
As I walked towards the store, I came near to a woman also walking towards the store. Because of the wind, she said getting into the store would be easier than getting back to our cars. I agreed.
She said she had lost her husband in the last year. I told her I was a widow, too. We discussed staying single instead of getting married again. Our choices.
She likes attending an event in my village, so I gave her my phone number so we can meet up when she comes out for it. We hugged before we parted.
DISC Behavior Style Clues
Starting a conversation
Emotional openness
Determination to stay independent
Friendliness
High I Influence
Restaurants
Taste Buds
December 2, 2024
My friend and I sat at the bar. She ordered a sweet old-fashioned. Driver me drank apple juice.
I told the bartender that my friend and I both like sweet wine. I said I don’t have the taste buds for dry wine. I also said that people who are snooty about their wine tastes merely have the taste buds for dry wine.
Bartender said she doesn’t have the taste buds for dry wine either. She gets headaches from dry wine.
~~~~~~~~~~
Sharing Reality
January 1, 2025
Shared Reality In A Single Sentence Example #1
(YOU Section, Synchronizing Similarities)
A few days before this restaurant conversation, I had an uncomfortable phone conversation with the manager. After my friend and I sat at the bar, Manager and several servers came and went mixing drinks and serving food at the bar. I could feel Manager felt uncomfortable near me, but didn’t know how to start talking to me.
My friend and I had been at the restaurant for one young woman’s first day on the job. During a break I asked Young Woman if this was her first restaurant job and if she’d had any rude customers. She had worked at a golf club.
“It was a lot of old men.”
I knew what she’d experienced. I told her that when I was her age, I had done the same work. I said I had been called a waitress. I asked if she was called a waitress or server.
Manager was near the bar at the time and heard my question. Our shared reality gave him an opening. He said the job opening ads used “server / bartender” and “bartender / server” to identify the position. The night shift included a bartender, but the day shift did not. All lunch servers had to mix drinks for patrons.
I asked Manager if he remembered when the terminology went from waitress to server.
“No, I don’t, but it was way past time.”
Manager did not look me in the eye at all during this conversation, but he responded to our shared sense of reality to create a respectful relationship between us.
~~~~~~~~~~
Owner Deserves A Compliment
March 8, 2025
The owner of this restaurant stops in during some of my visits. I watch his employees to see if they’re afraid of him. I see them laughing and talking and going about their jobs easily. No fear to my eyes.
Tonight I asked Bartender if I was right, that none of the employees are afraid of the owner.
“No one is afraid of him.”
I said I was thinking of complimenting him on having employees who like him the next time I see him.
“He would like that.”
Business owners who have happy employees deserve positive feedback.
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Pink Or Blue Or Purple?
March 8, 2025
Pink tie wearing Restaurant Manager reminded a female server that today was International Women’s Day. I told him I was proud of him for mentioning that.
I said that in the 1910s in the United States, pink was the ‘strong’ color for boys and blue was the ‘soft’ color for girls.
“I believe that. Pink is my favorite color, especially a strong pink against a dark background.”
(Dark pink tie with black shirt tonight.)
“But I also like purple.”
I said men are stereotyped as not liking purple.
“I find that hard to believe. It doesn’t make sense, especially since purple is the color of royalty. I like really deep purple.”
I said I did, too.
DISC Behavior Style Clue
Eye catching outfits
High I Influence
~~~~~~~~~~
Something Positive Out Of A Negative
March 8, 2025
A server had braids on the back of her head on each side. I asked if she had braided her own hair, because the braids looked very neat. She had.
I asked how long she’d been braiding her hair that way.
“Since COVID. I decided to figure out how to do my own hair.”
I responded:
“So you made something positive out of a negative!”
She smiled and said:
“I did!”
Spranger Guiding Value Clue
Figuring pout a solution
Knowledge
Schools
Knees
June 21, 2024
I took my granddaughter to her for a Bible summer camp afternoon. As I walked in, I saw a young teacher’s assistant wearing short shorts, all the way up the thigh shorts.
On my out I stopped to talk to the principal. I said I’d seen the young woman wearing shorts. I told him that I had attended an all girl Catholic high school in the 1960s. We had to wear uniforms.
“If we showed our knees, we got into so much trouble!”
Principal’s response was to wonder
“what could have happened…”
…if people had seen our knees.
Thrift Stores
Cleaning Out The Store
May 25, 2023
I was leaving a thrift store as an old man rode up on his bicycle. He asked me if I cleaned out the store.
I listed the 5 items I bought.
“You did clean out the store!”
I laughingly apologized and went on my way.
DISC Behavior Style Clues
Outgoing
Curiosity
Humor
High I Influence
~~~~~~~~~~
Liking Only Some Attention
May 25, 2023
I noticed that a mother had pink and purple tints in her one-shaved-side hairstyle. Her young daughter’s shirt had pink and purple on the front.
I said this was the best mother / daughter coordination I’d ever seen. Pink & Purple Hair Mother told her daughter to thank me.
I happened to stand behind them in the checkout line. I pointed out the color coordination to the cashier. I could tell that the Pink & Purple Hair Mother was not happy about what I said.
Despite her attention-attracting hairstyle, Pink & Purple Hair Mother did not like the attention I was drawing to her.
DISC Behavior Style Blend Clues
Eye catching hairstyle
Reserved
Social manners
High C Conscientiousness / High Influence
or
High I Influence / High C Conscientiousness
~~~~~~~~~~
Visiting The Cat
June 8, 2023
I visited a thrift store, but found nothing.
A man and woman were walking into the store as I was leaving. I said I hadn’t found anything and wished them luck.
The man laughed and said,
“I’m just here to visit the cat!”
DISC Behavior Style Clue
Humor
High I Influence
~~~~~~~~~~
30+ Year Old Stereotype
July 13, 2023
I noticed a woman who looked familiar, so I talked to her. She was the identical twin of a woman who had worked at the local university. We talked about the university.
During our conversation, Twin suddenly said the name of a woman who had worked at the university more than 30 years ago. She called the woman a prostitute and claimed that the woman had slept with the chancellor to get her unique position.
I was speechless from shock.
Another student and I had done an independent study project in grad school with Stereotyped Woman. That student friend had been employed at the university while taking classes.
After getting home, I contacted Grad School Friend, wanting to know how Stereotyped Woman had been hired so I knew what to say if her name ever came up again. Twin told me about a friend who spread ugly gossip everywhere she went.
Grad School Friend explained that people in unique positions are recruited by search committees. It just so happened that Grad School Friend was on the search committee for that unique position.
Plus, I found information online saying that Chancellor had recruited the woman to take the university position. He apparently gave Stereotyped Woman’s name to the committee so they could offer her the position. At the time, Chancellor and Stereotyped Woman lived in different parts of the country.
Now I know what to say in the event I ever hear similar ugly gossip about Stereotyped Woman again.
I’ve also decided what to do if anyone else ever speaks an ugly gossip stereotype to me.
“I’ll check up on that and see what I discover for myself.”
Use this story to protect yourself.
You can never tell who someone knows just by looking at them.
Twin used ugly gossip about someone I had worked with because she assumed I did not know the victim of her ugly gossip trashing.
Trash anyone and you risk trashing them to someone who knows them.
Is the trashing worth the risk to you?
DISC Behavior Style Clue
Implying rule breaking
High C Conscientiousness
~~~~~~~~~~
Playing During Checkout
October 27, 2023
The man in front of me paid with cash. The cashier checked to make sure the bill wasn’t counterfeit. I asked if she’d ever gotten a counterfeit bill.
“No.”
Male Customer joked that Cashier didn’t realize how we were working together and I was distracting her while he committed a crime. We now knew that this hadn’t happened to her before, so it would be easy to put one over on her.
As Male Customer walked away, I told him it was fun playing with him.
DISC Behavior Style Clue
Joking
High I Inflluence
~~~~~~~~~~
From Spit To Cheers
November 16, 2023
I was in a checkout line behind an elderly gentleman holding a Mickey Mouse jigsaw puzzle. We both liked the bright colors.
He buys jigsaw puzzles for his granddaughter with autism. Sometimes, Granddaughter looks at a puzzle and shakes her head. He returns that one and buys a different one.
He also buys jigsaw puzzles for veterans, who often don’t like his choices either.
I asked Elderly Gentleman if he was a veteran. He was drafted into the Army during the Viet Nam War.
Elderly Gentleman took an Honor Flight to Washington D.C. last month. When the veterans landed after their long day, 1000 people were waiting at the local airport to cheer for them. He said it was much better than when Americans spit on drafted soldiers returning in 1967.
I told Elderly Gentleman that I saw a local news report about their return and was happy to see the cheers.
DISC Behavior Style Clue
Attempts to please granddaughter
High S Steadiness
~~~~~~~~~~
Colorful Word
April 18, 2024
I found capri pants that were a cross between blue and purple. I was looking for purple capri pants, but liked this color and knew it would look good with my green and purple blouse.
When I checked out I asked the cashier what color she thought the pants were.
“Periwinkle.”
I said I wouldn’t have thought of that word. I asked Cashier if she’s an artist.
“I try to be.”
Cashier is more of an artist than I am.
~~~~~~~~~~
Following My Feeling & Learning Something New
May 17, 2024
I felt I should go to a particular thrift store. I found 2 pieces of clothing I’d been looking for.
Standing in line, the woman in front of me commented on my bruised thumb. I had closed a screen door on it and the bottom half was purple.
Talkative Customer told me that she had badly bruised a thumb when a log she threw into a wood stove bounced back at her, hitting her middle finger against the stove rim. Her finger throbbed badly and sticking it into ice water only made the pain worse. She sterilized a needle and poked 3 holes into her thumbnail.
“The blood spurted out.”
The pain stopped. She learned that technique from her mother during her rural childhood.
I had never heard of poking holes into a fingernail. I told Talkative Customer that icing my thumb hadn’t helped either. The pain finally stopped a while after I put arthritis cream on the nail and around the nail.
Talkative Customer than showed me a book she found in the store about home remedies to try before going to the doctor. I took a photograph of the cover with my cell phone.
Before You Call the Doctor: Safe, Effective Self-Care for Over 300 Common Medical Problems
Bobbie Hasselbring
Michael Castleman
Anne Simons M.D.
I told her about apple cider vinegar for burns. I discovered the healing power of apple cider vinegar on a semester abroad in Europe. We stayed in a dorm room in Hungary. Each room had a sink with a glass shelf and mirror above it. Because Hungary is a poorer country, the edge of the glass shelf was rough and sharp, not sealed in any way.
One night, I bent forward to rinse my face off after washing it. I hit the sharp edge of the glass and gashed my forehead, a small gash, luckily. I was using aloe vera gel and apple cider vinegar on my face, and applied them despite a minor sting. I continued to use the gel and vinegar every day. The gash healed without a scar. Curious, I tried applying apple cider vinegar to bug bites, rashes, and burns. It helped every time.
Then one day I made a stupid decision. I put honey in a measuring cup in the microwave to warm. When I took the measuring cup out, the bottom fell off and boiling honey poured over my left hand. Remembering the apple cider vinegar, I poured vinegar into a rubber glove, put my excruciatingly painful left hand into the glove, and rubber banded it onto my wrist. As soon as my hand went into the vinegar, the pain stopped.
Fearing for my fingernails after 2 hours, I took my hand out of the glove. No pain. Half inch high blisters, but no pain. I soaked my hand in apple cider vinegar for half an hour a day until the blisters subsided. Still no pain. I kept the blisters covered with band aids to protect them. As my skin healed, it stayed red for weeks. The redness faded. No one could look at my left hand today and think I had that kind of burn.
Talkative Customer was happy to hear a new self-care solution.
We exchanged names and shook hands.
“Aren’t you glad you met me?”
I said I was.
On the way out of the store, Talkative Customer said something about television preachers talking about prosperity, but that prosperity wasn’t always about money. I agreed with her. I said I have neighbor prosperity. My neighbors have my back in all kinds of ways. As I write this, I have a leak in the roof over my kitchen. Three of my neighbors are helping me get my roof back to leak proof. A fourth neighbor cleaned ceiling pieces off of my kitchen floor.
I live alone in a big house because a relationship ended and children moved on. Years ago, one of my friends asked if I was going to move to a smaller house. I told her I would never move away from my neighbors. The neighbors who have my back range in age from early 40s to late 70s. My back is covered for years to come.
Talkative Customer agreed with my idea of prosperity.
Chit chatting leads to more than career conversations. It also leads to social safety nets.
DISC Behavior Style Clue
Talkative
High I Influence
Spranger Guiding Value Clue
Home remedy information
Knowledge
~~~~~~~~~~
God Arranging Payback
August 19, 2024
I wanted to try on a sweater I found. The changing room was gone.
At the register I asked about it. They had to remove the changing room because of too much theft.
I said people see famous people getting away with human justice, not realizing that God creates justice, otherwise known as “payback.”
I told the cashier about 3 god-on-earth pharaohs who used their power to erase Tutankhamun (King Tut) from ancient Egyptian historical records. I said I had watched a documentary about King Tut’s grave. The pharaoh following King Tut had buried Tut in a grave than the normal pyramid.
An “act of God” flash flood later buried Tut’s tomb. The flood left 1 to 2 meters of rock-filled sediment on top of Tut’s tomb. The sun baked that sediment layer into concrete, hiding tomb until Howard Carter discovered it in 1922.
King Tut is now the most famous pharaoh in history, despite the make-him-disappear efforts of 3 god-on-earth pharaohs.
I wrote a blog post about payback from God, which includes the story of the 3 pharaohs.
No one gets away with anything. You can read how I got payback for writing a nasty letter.
~~~~~~~~~~
© Paula M. Kramer, 2023 to the present
All rights reserved.
Updated March 11, 2025.